A look back

Recently I have been genuinely finding myself, finding who I really am and not the personality I created in order to survive. I am not saying that everything about who I was and how I presented myself was completely false, but it simply wasn't truly me. I have spent a fair amount of effort into trying to figure out how much of my past was part of who I was and how much was a fabrication in order to cope. As much time as this has taken and I am in no way saying I have figured it all out, but with the time I have invested so far I have to wonder how many from my past will be willing to spend similar time getting to know the real me  this time around.

So with that in mind I have been looking at the possibility that a great many people that were a part of my life for so long may just not have the time to invest in getting to know me all over again. Most of the good friends I have had in my life I have had for a very long time, in many cases 16 years or longer. So at the age of 33 the idea of investing that many years of experiences, moments, and memories must be a daunting task. I know that some people that knew me before will stick around and get to know Kaylee and find out who I really am, but I also know that some will not. I know that some may not be able to handle the idea that someone they thought they knew was in fact someone very different than they had thought. Some at this point in life are simply to busy to try and get to know someone new, while other may look at who I really am and be so disgusted by it that they feel no other option exists but to break all communication from here on out.

Regardless of where those from my past may fall, be they people that I carry forward into the rest of my life or if they become nothing more than a treasured memory, I love them all. I look back at memories that seem to be from another life and in many ways they are. Memories of laughter shared and smiling faces, of shared pains and heartache, memories of truly inspiring moments in time. The memories of my past will always be with me even if those within them are not, so for that reason I will cherish each and every one of them.

So I travel forward not knowing what the path ahead holds in store for me or who I will create new memories with, but for those who have been a part of my life up till now please know that I couldn't have reached this point without you. I truly thank you all for what you have done for me no matter how small it may have been. The people that have been in my life made it possible for me to reach the time when I was finally ready to discover who I really am. Without you I know that this day would never have come.  If you remain a part of my life I welcome you, but if this transition is something that must close the book on our time together then I understand and I wish you well as you travel forward in life.

Thank you all so much, you have helped make Kaylee a reality and no longer the secret that I have fearfully kept hidden away all this time.

Thank You

Kaylee